Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Special Report: Crual and Inhumin Working Condetions at MY Vast Right Wing Consperacy

my boss


At great risk of life and limb, an anonymous source provides us with a photograph from a staff meeting at the MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy headquarters. In the photo, an unidentified staff member brings the true light of Liberalism, the one true savior of the world, in front of the Bethrog. Fierce battle ensued, according to reports, as a closed-door vote was called to find out whether or not to continue on with the current right-wing propaganda machine, or to create a world of peace, love on community.

It did not pass.

The whereabouts of said unnamed staff-member are still unknown, though it is widely believed that she jumped off the bandwagon.

Ultra-Secret Controversial Image

EXCLUSIVE CONTENT: MUST CREDIT MACSTANSBURY.ORG

YOU THINK YOU KNOW PRESTON TAYLOR HOLMES?!? NO, NO YOU DON'T!!!

IN THIS EXCLUSIVE IMAGE, WE FIND OUT JUST WHAT PRESTON TAYLOR HOLMES IS ALL ABOUT!!!!

mmm...pork


THIS WAS THE ORIGINAL, UN-RE-TOUCHED PHOTO, ALTERED TO FIT INTO HIS TWISTED GAME OF FABRICATIONS AND LIES!!!!!!

NOW WE KNOW THE TRUTH!!!!! YOU CANNOT TRUST THIS MAN!!!!!

(that Cranky guy seems okay, and so does the Samatecks guy. not sure about any of them other cats.)

EXCLUSIVE CONTENT: MUST CREDIT MACSTANSBURY.ORG

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Tour of the Best Blog Design Finalists 2005

The Gleeson Tour of the Best Blog Design Finalists 2005


What is good blog design? Is it something that can be measured, like the height of a stack of pancakes? Or can it only be felt, like a wet sock? As a service to our readers, we asked a panel of design experts to evaluate all 15 finalists in the "Best Blog Design" category of the 2005 Weblog Awards. Here is what we learned:

The Gleeson Bloglomerate
The Gleeson Bloglomerate is, according to the design experts we consulted, perhaps the best blog design ever. Using cutting-edge "Web 0.2" technology (and Web 0.2.3 in places) the Gleeson site masterfully aggregates the content of four separate weblogs into a beautiful mélange of hyperlinks and synopses. The posts are a joy to read too, being mostly about knitting and presocratic philosophy.

Coming Anarchy
Coming Anarchy, based in Chechnya, is a comprehensive catalogue of instructions for making and selling illicit drugs, with a new section on improvised explosive devices. The illustrated instructions are so easy that a child could follow them, and the whimsical anecdotes about the foibles of smuggling never fail to elicit a smile.

Sharp as a Marble
Sharp as a Marble is an Arabic bestiality blog, with some very ingenious programming. As soon as we visited the home page, it charged our credit credit card $24.95. With such a crowded and busy interface, you'll never have a shortage of things to click on here. About half of the articles are in English.

Giggle Chick
Giggle Chick is the front-runner in the polling so far -- and with good reason, says our panel, as it is a superb Care Bears fan site. Readers who are charmed by the adorable antics of the precious pastel ursine creations of American Greetings will get lost in this labarynthine tribute. Quite lovely, says our panel, but due for an update; the most recent post is dated 1998.

Lord Boomboom's Castle Thoughts
Lord Boomboom's Castle Thoughts is also a fan site, this one devoted to Jack Fertig, the San Francisco politician who ran for mayor under the name "Sister Boom Boom" in 1983. There are numerous interviews with Jack, practically a new one every day. Our panel suspects that this "fan site" is operated by Fertig himself.

The Shape of Days
The Shape of Days is a specialty blog, devoted to the world of street mimes. Articles about how best to mime such actions as "walking against the wind in a big box" can get overly technical (at least for the layman), and the hundreds of comments can quickly turn nasty. The design elements of animated mimes struck us as elegant, at first, but got tiresome after a few minutes.

What Do I Know
What Do I Know is a text-driven role-playing game. When you enter the site, you are trapped on a hostile alien planet. To find your way back home, you must find the clues and solve the riddles before you die of dehydration. Our design panel kept getting killed in the blue corridor, the one guarded by the penguin. If anyone knows the answer to the penguin's riddle, please leave a comment to this post.

The Brown Daily Squeal
The Brown Daily Squeal is an anti-cruelty shock site with many graphic photos of disemboweled rabbits. Not for the squeamish.

Mom 2 Mom Connection International Society for Biological and Environmental Repositories
Mom 2 Mom Connection is a lovely two-column design, peppered with endearing spot illustrations. Unfortunately, this excellent design was plagiarized from the International Society for Biological and Environmental Repositories (isber.org), so our panel cannot recommend your vote.

ljcfyi
Ljcfyi is a discussion board dedicated to the Christian marytyrs of Hungary ("ljcfyi" is the Hungarian word for "painful death"), with hagiographies dating back to the 7th Century. Most of their traffic comes from misdirected Google searches for Stephen King.

Antipixel
Antipixel is an interesting programming project from a student ot the University of Malaya. The background of the page changes color according to barometer readings in Kuala Lumpur. Our panel found the concept fascinating, but the color changes are so slight that the human eye cannot perceive them.

Demure Thoughts
Demure Thoughts is the place to be, for shoe fetishists. This site has a list of "20 uses for a paratrooper boot," none of which can be reprinted here (and two of which will only work if it's the left boot). Not everyone's cup of tea.

Wet Wired
WetWired explores the misunderstood world of bedwetting. Millions of children, and adults, suffer from this uncontrollable condition, and we are glad they can turn to WetWired for support and help. The design was a bit too yellow for our panel's taste.

Scrubbles
Scrubbles is an aggregate of news articles about fox terriers. The site is updated monthly, and features a great photo gallery of fox terriers in many settings. Or it might be the same fox terrier in many settings; they all sort of look alike to our design panel.

Dizzy Girl
Dizzy Girl is a mirror site of The Drudge Report, used as a backup when Drudge's server goes down. Our panel found the design very usable, if a bit plain, and the articles a bit on the sensationalistic side.

Friday, December 09, 2005

AOL

For goodness'ses sakes:

Armies of Liberation.

AOL.

duh.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Smash: In the Navy

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In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy

AIM HIGH! Vote for My VRWC!*



* Endorsed by Ace of Spades and the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Awwww

Is Bad Janie huring your wittle feewings, Digger? You don't wike it, Vince? Does it make you cwy on cold wainy nights, MacStansbury?

Losers! I'll call you MacAutReal. Sounds like Mackerel, and just as interesting. No maybe, DigVinStan, yes thats better. That's reminiscent of a Soviet era outpost, half abandoned and clinging to the coast of the Siberian Sea, a place where nothing ever happens. And that would about sum it up, DigVinStan.

(errr, unless we're supposed to be goofing on the leftards....Otherwise I could go back to picking on you know who.)

Dang™, I hope my votes hold up.

Uncle Sez

Now Jane, you must not brag.

After all, none of us are shameless enough to put our face on *spit* Al *spit* Jazeera *spit*

Not only that, but I noticed an article in the Yemeni Times the other day that Saleh had, for some mysterious reason, granted a ten day furlough to 100 political prisoners, and gave them each a free computer with internet access to use during that time...

I don't wanna name names or anything

BUT WHO MADE THIS CRAPPING THING UGLY RED????

it looks horrible!

probably one of them women. they like messing thing up that were working just fine before they got here.

UPDATE: AHA! Knew it!

HEH. I just fixed the color at the Battle blog...that black background was driving me INSANE.


Who was this nefarious red background maker???

well, who else do you know who likes big, hot, thick, red things...all in her face?

beside Vinnie.

Well Well well, Would you look at that?

Gee, erhm, if we ignore the leftards skewing the votes and take a look at the real contest here in the Weblog Awards 501-1000 catagory, I think some name changes are in order:

from McStansbury to McLoser

from Vince Aut Moirie to Vince Aut Go Home

from Diggers Realm to Digging a Tunnel to Nowhere

from Armies of Liberation to Armies Kicking Your Butts Boyz

I'm Da Shit - Just Call Me Rachael!

Ya'll think you are so good, huh? Well, guess what....this Rachael Ray wannabe is in da house!

I'm in that really cool category Best New Blog and YUM-O (!) - I'm gonna whip out my EVOO and fry your ass!!!

I bet you're happy I'm here, huh? Get on your knees and kiss my cast iron skillet, dammit! Oh, and vote for me. Tee hee!

HAY U BASSTURDS!!!!

BEULAH MAE!!!!HAAAYYY YA'LL'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAAHA MISS BETH THAT BITCH DONE TOLE ME NOT TO CUM HEAR UN TILL THE WEAK AFTOR NEXT CUZ OF SOME BLOGG AWHORED'S SHE'S PLAYIN WITH AND SHES "TRYIN" TO LOOK ALL HI AND MITEY LOLL!!!!!!! WELL 2 HELL WITH HER ITS MY DAY TO BLOGG HEAR!!!!

OH SHIT I DONE left on them capp's lock's again. What evor. so I got's me a questchin about these hear "blogg" awhored's. FIRST of all why aint i BEULAH MAE NOT MISS BETH THAT BITCH winnin fer BEST BLOGGOR!!!!! everone no's i am THE BESTEST bloggor in the earth!!!!!


BUTT since i'm stuck hear with that bitch MISS BETH who suck's then rilly my bestest freind MISS FISTY REPUBBLICAN WHORE is the BESTEST BLOGGOR IN THE HOLE US OF A!!!! SO GO VOTE FOR HER EVERY SINGLE DAY or i aint gonna talk to ya'll's no more and neather is MISS BETH THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! she done even tole me so and tole me she aggree's that u haf to vote for FISTY!!! GO NOW and dont be no dumass votin fer nobody else godamit!!!!!!!!!!

ALL SO!!!! U REMEMMBER my firend SANDY MONKY u no i ME BEULAH MAE innervue'd him a cuppla month's ago!!! HE is the bestist BLOGGOR TO!!!!!! i no ya'll's luv them tooth docter's ovor in Irack BUTT sandy monky is 1 HOT BLOOGER and i bet if ur nice 2 him he mite rimember u when he is the top blogg on the internett moar than that puppy blendor or that fuckin MORON Kus er Kum er Koss er what evor his stopid name is!!!! SO U HAF 2 VOTE FOR HIM TO!!!! i aint no why hes in that cattagory cuz he aint livin in africka or the middle east ?? he lives in EGYPT not no indianna or west virginnia or ohieo witch i thot wuz the middle east!!! ???? butt what evor VOTE FER HIM NE-WAYS AND TELL ALL YER FIREND'S!!!!!!!!!! DONT BE A DUMASS!!! it say's "RANTINGS...SANDMONKY" er some thing like that thair.

OK I KNEE'D TO NO THIS. WAT THE HELL IS A BALOON JUICE!!! I DONE A GOOGLY SEARCH AND I GOT THIS!!!! WHY HE CALL HISSELF BALOON JUECE IS KINDA A FREAK HAY U BLOON MAN U WANNA GET FREEEAKY THAT IS JUST WEARD!!!!!

BALLOON:

condom balloon

JUICE:



BALOON JEUCE???

Balloon Juice


JEST SAYIN' YA'LL. DONT VOTE FER NO "BALLLOON JEUCE" OR NO FREAKEY CLOWN'S, VOTE FER BEULAH MAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and FISTY and SANDYMONKY!!!!!!

LOVE

BEULAH MAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You wanna trust a LAWYAR?!?!?

I think not. They are evil. And stuff.

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Ignore The American Princess. She's....the deeeeeeeevil. Yup. The Devil.

What's that spell?

DEVIL - You know who that is? The American Princess
EVIL - Know what she is? RIGHT! EVIL!
VIL - How does she act with her lawyerin' all over the place? THAT'S RIGHT! SHE'S VIL!!!!
IL - If you vote for her, what will you be? IL!!!!! SICK SICK SICK

So, what are you left with?

L - Where you're going if you vote for The American Princess!!!!!!!!!!! L!!!!!!!!!!

Vote MacStansbury.org, or go to L.

Vodkapundit's Secret Identity: EXPOSED!

He lies! He lies! He's REALLY...

A CLOWN!!!!



DO NOT VOTE FOR CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!

(Vote for me!)


"Drunks with big red noses cause you to have flashbacks of clowns." *

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Too Cowardly?

Lets try too afraid to catch a communicable disease.

Jeez, Mac, if you're going to go messing in other womens' s templates, at least try to use some form of protection before you come spreading the filth over to the Princess.

She's a freaking lady. Unlike me.

Battle of the Blogs Worst Moments Nominations

For Worst Behavior, the nominations are:

1. Right Girl for screwing up the timestamp so all of us gotta post our stories all screwed up
2. Jane for counting chickens before said chickens what were hatched
3. Preston Taylor Holmes for expounding on the virtues of Six Meat Buffet
4. Soldiers' Angel Holly Aho (I mean, can that name be ANY LONGER???) for shamelessly promoting her personal blog when...what?

...we're supposed to be doing that? Oh, crap. Why didn't somebody tell me?
5. Vince Aut Morire for having such a hard name to spell
6. Vince Aut Morire for sucking so bad
7. Vince Aut Morire for sucking, AND having such a hard name to spell
8. Robb for shamelessly promoting himself not here
9. Mad Dog Vinnie as well
10. Beth, too
11. Cranky for his site link not even working even (I blame Preston Taylor Holmes)
12. A group nomination to Dan, Janette, and E.M. for being too cowardly to show up yet....yet...

Voting in this category starts when I can figure out how to get the poll to work. And if Blogger doesn't go down faster'n Vinnie during Fleet Week.

BLOGJAM: How much is Vinnie's endorsement worth?

The blogosphere is abuzz with discussion of the paradox of Vincenzo Up Myrear's endorsements. On the one hand, he has posted these endorsements on Jawa Report, which gets, like, ten thousand visitors a day. On the other hand, Vinnie himself has earned himself 25 votes, enough to contend for eleventh place in the "stalwart titmouse" category. We asked prominent bloggers around the world: what's up with that?

The vast majority of bloggers replied "Huh?" or "Who?" But some answered with a range of opinions.

Ardi sums up the consenus with this observation: "Although it tastes funny nobody says anything, they all sip away as their taste buds die off with every single gulp of the bottle."

House of Miao says: "Of course now my ass hurts... but cest la vie. Because my mind is blank and there is little to say..."

But not everyone is so sanguine. From The Stain: "Vinnie is someone who was BONED out of his other job because he is blazingly incompetant and was simply placed in Retired Dons special-order left-handed swivel desk chair with the lumbar support because it was vacant. He reeks of last nights cheap whiskey and cigarettes."

Not-So-Beautiful Atrocities

I have it on good authority that Jeff from Beautiful Atrocities eats babies.

Do NOT throw away your vote on a baby-eater.

Vote Six Meat Buffet instead.

And, In Response to

Vince "I gotta French name and I was in the Navy, you figure it out" Moore (however you spell it), I posted my list of endorsement...

...

...in your mouth...

Google Bomb

And In Response To

Sean "My, MacStansbury, You Shore Got A Purty Mouth" Gleeson's endorsements, I have posted mine at the high Ecosystem ranked, high traffic, Jawa Report.

Nice to see you all

Yes. Good to see you Vinnie.

Welcome E.M.

I'm so gonna enjoy this.

But first...let's handle some old bidness: Stay Tuned Folks! Later tonight, undeniable proof that both Preston Taylor Holmes and Beth...whatever her last name is are not what they appear. I've got the pics, folks.

White Dress, Brown Mud

If you're looking for the Cotillion just because it's Tuesday, you won't find it. There will be no pretty roundup with lots of great pictures. But if you knock on the door and you know the secret password, you'll be entertained in a far more interesting way.

The "ladies" of the Cotillion are slinging mud, pulling hair, and ripping each other's dresses off our nubile bodies. It's a catfight.

In other words, it's time for the Weblog Awards. Happy voting, y'all.

X-posted to the site that's gonna win

Monday, December 05, 2005

Let me get you a towel

Here, Mac, seems you have some Gleeson residue on your chin

A slight correction to the Gleeson Endorsements

What he obviously meant was "ANYBODY BUT Six Meat Buffet"

We, here at Battle of the Blogs, are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

The Gleeson Endorsements

Loyalty to one means loyalty to both.


The time of decision is upon you! The polls for the 2005 Weblog Awards open today, and will remain open until December 15. Remember, to make your vote count, you must vote not just once, but once a day for the deserving candidates! If you shirk your duty, the undeserving may prevail, which is the very definition of injustice!

As an aid to our readers, we are posting our endorsements for 12 of the 37 polls. You may view these first two endorsements as mandatory for all citizens of good will:




CATEGORYENDORSEE
BEST BLOG DESIGN:The Gleeson Bloglomerate
BEST OF THE TOP 1751-2500 BLOGS:Sean Gleeson

Voting for the remaining 10, while not mandatory, will reflect well on your character:













CATEGORYENDORSEE
BEST BLOG:The Corner
BEST NEW BLOG:Basil's Blog
BEST GROUP BLOG:Redstate.org
BEST HUMOR/COMICS BLOG:Six Meat Buffet
BEST CULTURE/GOSSIP BLOG:Llama Butchers
BEST CANADIAN BLOG:Daimnation!
BEST OF THE TOP 250 BLOGS:My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
BEST OF THE TOP 501-1000 BLOGS:MacStansbury.org
BEST OF THE TOP 1001-1750 BLOGS:Dustbury
BEST OF THE TOP 5001-6750 BLOGS:Mazurland Blog


While we have not made endorsements in the other 25 polls, we may do so after having had time to give them due consideration, and to evaluate the nominees based on indicators of their virtue, such as whether they endorse The Gleeson Bloglomerate.

What Am I Doing Here?

Ok, I'm looking at this blog and trying to get the gist of it. I'm thinking this might work....




So, with that in mind I'm going to shamelessly plug my blog for votes!






You have your orders!

HA!

Jane! You're only a YEAR LATE here!

You DID concede last year, then! Are you French?

Well

I'm waitng............

Did everybody PUNK OUT?

IT IS SO ON!

That's right, chumpwiches...THIS THING IS BACK!

Yeah, somebody left one of the windows on this thing open, and NOW I'M IN!!!!

And, to quote that great American poet and laureate:

Well I'm back nanananananananananananana
fix your bent antennae tune it in and then I'm gonna
enter in and up under your skin like a splinter
The center of attention back for the winter
I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling
Infesting in your kids ears and nesting
Testing "Attention Please" feel the tension soon as someone mentions me
here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free
A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?


heh....

....who to mock first...

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

You're forgiven

That's right, blog battlers. You've said bad awful horrible things about me and my blog. But now that it's over, I'm forgiving you for your mean, hateful awfulness. I hope you've seen the error of your ways and will, in the words of Ozzy Osbourne, "learn how to love and forget how to ha-ee-yaye-ate".


Psssst... my wordpress blog is almost done. Hope to have it up tonight.... DON'T TELL ANYONE! It's a surprise.

No substitute for victory

Americans love a winner!

The final results were announced at 1:53 a.m. Eastern, and it seems congratulations are in order for the 34 bestest blogs in the whole wide world.

We would like to repeat our thanks to the people we already thanked, only without that undercurrent of nervous tension this time. Thank you!

Monday, December 13, 2004

Group hug, anyone?

With such a narrow margin, it could go either way, once all the hanging chads and whatnot are scrutinized. But whoever wins, I say "Thanks and best regards" to all y'all.