Saturday, December 11, 2004

Oh Lawd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Don't judge lest ye be judged, sayeth the Lord. Posted by Hello

Thar's evul in the world mah Friends. Yes, thar is. Say it wit me. Eeeevul! Can I get an amen, somebody? Hallelujah! You must watch for evul in the threads and comments of other's lives and you must STAND UP - and you must smite that evul! Because I will stand up and smite that evul! Oh, yes I will, mah friends! Because I know the truth and the way. And I will show it to you! Will you stand wid me? WILL you STAND with ME! Hallejuha.

Here's one example I found: "Well, I do make the effort to vote both at work and at
home. So, even if I don't like ya, at least I support ya!" ...

I have no way of enforcing this plea for honesty, and no way of knowing who
complies and who violates it. Only you, and the One who wrote the law on
your heart, will know.

But, but, wait! What's that? What's that you're saying to me, Lord? How's that? Oh, my God, my sweet Lord. The heathens attack from all sides even as I lay mah head?

Last night, while America slept, the overseers of the 2004 Weblog Awards removed
177 votes from our blog's tally. Poof, gone. This instantly demoted The Gleeson
Bloglomerate from a slim two percent lead over our closest competitor to a
dismaying six percent shortfall!

But the reasons are moot. Maybe upon review, we could get some or all of these votes back, but it doesn't seem likely. We must assume that these votes are irretrievably gone, and play the hand we're dealt.

This blog gets more than 1,000 unique visitors every single day. Most days, over
2,000. We should be able to make up 177 votes before breakfast! Obviously, some
of the people who read and enjoy this site are not going over there and voting. Why not?

In mah darkest hour mah flock has abandoned me. Oh, Lawd. Why me? Why me, one who was so quick to condemn, ... to condemn those that I KNEW were sinners? So what if it was only I joke! A silly conversation in a comment thread. Why, how could someone who said "Well, I do make the effort to vote both at work and at home. So, even if I don't like ya, at least I support ya!" possibly have been kidding? No, it was evul! And I knew it in mah heart and I STOOD UP and I SMOTE that evul, yes I did.

And now I find mahself visited by unspeakable demons, a broken man in his darkest hour ... a loooser! Oh, mah Lord how can that be, Lord? How can that be? PLEASE LORD, tell ME, speak to ME, Lord ... HOW can that BE?

LORD: Well, my Son, it would seem you took a silly comment, a fun contest and most of all yourself far too seriously, boy. And there're damn few things in this world I enjoy smackin' down more than the self righteous and the vain, asshat. Next time you have a question about something I write, how about asking ME about it before linking and babblin' bullshit on your blog like some silly little self-righteous prick?

Say Amen, somebody.


Blogger Sean Gleeson said...

Oh, never mind, Lord. See you on Sunday.

3:38 AM  

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