Battle of the Blogs

Special Report: Crual and Inhumin Working Condetions at MY Vast Right Wing Consperacy

2005-12-13T22:53:00.000-06:00

At great risk of life and limb, an anonymous source provides us with a photograph from a staff meeting at the MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy headquarters. In the photo, an unidentified staff member brings the true light of Liberalism, the one true savior of the world, in front of the Bethrog. Fierce battle ensued, according to reports, as a closed-door vote was called to find out whether or not to continue on with the current right-wing propaganda machine, or to create a world of peace, love on community.

It did not pass.

The whereabouts of said unnamed staff-member are still unknown, though it is widely believed that she jumped off the bandwagon.

Ultra-Secret Controversial Image

2005-12-13T21:10:00.000-06:00

EXCLUSIVE CONTENT: MUST CREDIT MACSTANSBURY.ORG

YOU THINK YOU KNOW PRESTON TAYLOR HOLMES?!? NO, NO YOU DON'T!!!

IN THIS EXCLUSIVE IMAGE, WE FIND OUT JUST WHAT PRESTON TAYLOR HOLMES IS ALL ABOUT!!!!

THIS WAS THE ORIGINAL, UN-RE-TOUCHED PHOTO, ALTERED TO FIT INTO HIS TWISTED GAME OF FABRICATIONS AND LIES!!!!!!

NOW WE KNOW THE TRUTH!!!!! YOU CANNOT TRUST THIS MAN!!!!!

(that Cranky guy seems okay, and so does the Samatecks guy. not sure about any of them other cats.)

EXCLUSIVE CONTENT: MUST CREDIT MACSTANSBURY.ORG

Tour of the Best Blog Design Finalists 2005

2005-12-11T14:24:00.000-06:00

What is good blog design? Is it something that can be measured, like the height of a stack of pancakes? Or can it only be felt, like a wet sock? As a service to our readers, we asked a panel of design experts to evaluate all 15 finalists in the "Best Blog Design" category of the 2005 Weblog Awards. Here is what we learned:

The Gleeson Bloglomerate is, according to the design experts we consulted, perhaps the best blog design ever. Using cutting-edge "Web 0.2" technology (and Web 0.2.3 in places) the Gleeson site masterfully aggregates the content of four separate weblogs into a beautiful mélange of hyperlinks and synopses. The posts are a joy to read too, being mostly about knitting and presocratic philosophy.

Coming Anarchy, based in Chechnya, is a comprehensive catalogue of instructions for making and selling illicit drugs, with a new section on improvised explosive devices. The illustrated instructions are so easy that a child could follow them, and the whimsical anecdotes about the foibles of smuggling never fail to elicit a smile.

Sharp as a Marble is an Arabic bestiality blog, with some very ingenious programming. As soon as we visited the home page, it charged our credit credit card $24.95. With such a crowded and busy interface, you'll never have a shortage of things to click on here. About half of the articles are in English.

Giggle Chick is the front-runner in the polling so far -- and with good reason, says our panel, as it is a superb Care Bears fan site. Readers who are charmed by the adorable antics of the precious pastel ursine creations of American Greetings will get lost in this labarynthine tribute. Quite lovely, says our panel, but due for an update; the most recent post is dated 1998.

Lord Boomboom's Castle Thoughts is also a fan site, this one devoted to Jack Fertig, the San Francisco politician who ran for mayor under the name "Sister Boom Boom" in 1983. There are numerous interviews with Jack, practically a new one every day. Our panel suspects that this "fan site" is operated by Fertig himself.

The Shape of Days is a specialty blog, devoted to the world of street mimes. Articles about how best to mime such actions as "walking against the wind in a big box" can get overly technical (at least for the layman), and the hundreds of comments can quickly turn nasty. The design elements of animated mimes struck us as elegant, at first, but got tiresome after a few minutes.

What Do I Know is a text-driven role-playing game. When you enter the site, you are trapped on a hostile alien planet. To find your way back home, you must find the clues and solve the riddles before you die of dehydration. Our design panel kept getting killed in the blue corridor, the one guarded by the penguin. If anyone knows the answer to the penguin's riddle, please leave a comment to this post.

The Brown Daily Squeal is an anti-cruelty shock site with many graphic photos of disemboweled rabbits. Not for the squeamish.

Mom 2 Mom Connection is a lovely two-column design, peppered with endearing spot illustrations. Unfortunately, this excellent design was plagiarized from the International Society for Biological and Environmental Repositories (isber.org), so our panel cannot recommend your vote.

Ljcfyi is a discussion board dedicated to the Christian marytyrs of Hungary ("ljcfyi" is the Hungarian word for "painful death"), with hagiographies dating back to the 7th Century. Most of their traffic comes from misdirected Google searches for Stephen King.

Antipixel is an interesting programming project from a student ot the University of Malaya. The background of the page changes color according to barometer readings in Kuala Lumpur. Our panel found the concept fascinating, but the color changes are so slight that the human eye cannot perceive them.

Demure Thoughts is the place to be, for shoe fetishists. This site has a list of "20 uses for a paratrooper boot," none of which can be reprinted here (and two of which will only work if it's the left boot). Not everyone's cup of tea.

WetWired explores the misunderstood world of bedwetting. Millions of children, and adults, suffer from this uncontrollable condition, and we are glad they can turn to WetWired for support and help. The design was a bit too yellow for our panel's taste.

Scrubbles is an aggregate of news articles about fox terriers. The site is updated monthly, and features a great photo gallery of fox terriers in many settings. Or it might be the same fox terrier in many settings; they all sort of look alike to our design panel.

Dizzy Girl is a mirror site of The Drudge Report, used as a backup when Drudge's server goes down. Our panel found the design very usable, if a bit plain, and the articles a bit on the sensationalistic side.

AOL

2005-12-09T00:07:00.000-06:00

For goodness'ses sakes:

Armies of Liberation.

AOL.

duh.

Smash: In the Navy

2005-12-08T11:09:00.000-06:00

In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy

AIM HIGH! Vote for My VRWC!*

* Endorsed by Ace of Spades and the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler!

Awwww

2005-12-07T23:50:00.000-06:00

Is Bad Janie huring your wittle feewings, Digger? You don't wike it, Vince? Does it make you cwy on cold wainy nights, MacStansbury?

Losers! I'll call you MacAutReal. Sounds like Mackerel, and just as interesting. No maybe, DigVinStan, yes thats better. That's reminiscent of a Soviet era outpost, half abandoned and clinging to the coast of the Siberian Sea, a place where nothing ever happens. And that would about sum it up, DigVinStan.

(errr, unless we're supposed to be goofing on the leftards....Otherwise I could go back to picking on you know who.)

Dang™, I hope my votes hold up.

Uncle Sez

2005-12-07T22:34:00.000-06:00

Now Jane, you must not brag.

After all, none of us are shameless enough to put our face on *spit* Al *spit* Jazeera *spit*

Not only that, but I noticed an article in the Yemeni Times the other day that Saleh had, for some mysterious reason, granted a ten day furlough to 100 political prisoners, and gave them each a free computer with internet access to use during that time...

I don't wanna name names or anything

2005-12-07T22:29:00.000-06:00

BUT WHO MADE THIS CRAPPING THING UGLY RED????

it looks horrible!

probably one of them women. they like messing thing up that were working just fine before they got here.

UPDATE: AHA! Knew it!

HEH. I just fixed the color at the Battle blog...that black background was driving me INSANE.

Who was this nefarious red background maker???

well, who else do you know who likes big, hot, thick, red things...all in her face?

beside Vinnie.

Well Well well, Would you look at that?

2005-12-07T22:04:00.000-06:00

Gee, erhm, if we ignore the leftards skewing the votes and take a look at the real contest here in the Weblog Awards 501-1000 catagory, I think some name changes are in order:

from McStansbury to McLoser

from Vince Aut Moirie to Vince Aut Go Home

from Diggers Realm to Digging a Tunnel to Nowhere

from Armies of Liberation to Armies Kicking Your Butts Boyz

I'm Da Shit - Just Call Me Rachael!

2005-12-07T21:47:00.000-06:00

Ya'll think you are so good, huh? Well, guess what....this Rachael Ray wannabe is in da house!

I'm in that really cool category Best New Blog and YUM-O (!) - I'm gonna whip out my EVOO and fry your ass!!!

I bet you're happy I'm here, huh? Get on your knees and kiss my cast iron skillet, dammit! Oh, and vote for me. Tee hee!

HAY U BASSTURDS!!!!

2005-12-07T18:18:00.000-06:00

HAAAYYY YA'LL'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAAHA MISS BETH THAT BITCH DONE TOLE ME NOT TO CUM HEAR UN TILL THE WEAK AFTOR NEXT CUZ OF SOME BLOGG AWHORED'S SHE'S PLAYIN WITH AND SHES "TRYIN" TO LOOK ALL HI AND MITEY LOLL!!!!!!! WELL 2 HELL WITH HER ITS MY DAY TO BLOGG HEAR!!!!

OH SHIT I DONE left on them capp's lock's again. What evor. so I got's me a questchin about these hear "blogg" awhored's. FIRST of all why aint i BEULAH MAE NOT MISS BETH THAT BITCH winnin fer BEST BLOGGOR!!!!! everone no's i am THE BESTEST bloggor in the earth!!!!!

BUTT since i'm stuck hear with that bitch MISS BETH who suck's then rilly my bestest freind MISS FISTY REPUBBLICAN WHORE is the BESTEST BLOGGOR IN THE HOLE US OF A!!!! SO GO VOTE FOR HER EVERY SINGLE DAY or i aint gonna talk to ya'll's no more and neather is MISS BETH THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! she done even tole me so and tole me she aggree's that u haf to vote for FISTY!!! GO NOW and dont be no dumass votin fer nobody else godamit!!!!!!!!!!

ALL SO!!!! U REMEMMBER my firend SANDY MONKY u no i ME BEULAH MAE innervue'd him a cuppla month's ago!!! HE is the bestist BLOGGOR TO!!!!!! i no ya'll's luv them tooth docter's ovor in Irack BUTT sandy monky is 1 HOT BLOOGER and i bet if ur nice 2 him he mite rimember u when he is the top blogg on the internett moar than that puppy blendor or that fuckin MORON Kus er Kum er Koss er what evor his stopid name is!!!! SO U HAF 2 VOTE FOR HIM TO!!!! i aint no why hes in that cattagory cuz he aint livin in africka or the middle east ?? he lives in EGYPT not no indianna or west virginnia or ohieo witch i thot wuz the middle east!!! ???? butt what evor VOTE FER HIM NE-WAYS AND TELL ALL YER FIREND'S!!!!!!!!!! DONT BE A DUMASS!!! it say's "RANTINGS...SANDMONKY" er some thing like that thair.

OK I KNEE'D TO NO THIS. WAT THE HELL IS A BALOON JUICE!!! I DONE A GOOGLY SEARCH AND I GOT THIS!!!! WHY HE CALL HISSELF BALOON JUECE IS KINDA A FREAK HAY U BLOON MAN U WANNA GET FREEEAKY THAT IS JUST WEARD!!!!!

BALLOON:

JUICE:

BALOON JEUCE???

JEST SAYIN' YA'LL. DONT VOTE FER NO "BALLLOON JEUCE" OR NO FREAKEY CLOWN'S, VOTE FER BEULAH MAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and FISTY and SANDYMONKY!!!!!!

LOVE

BEULAH MAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You wanna trust a LAWYAR?!?!?

2005-12-07T18:05:00.000-06:00

I think not. They are evil. And stuff.

Ignore The American Princess. She's....the deeeeeeeevil. Yup. The Devil.

What's that spell?

DEVIL - You know who that is? The American Princess
EVIL - Know what she is? RIGHT! EVIL!
VIL - How does she act with her lawyerin' all over the place? THAT'S RIGHT! SHE'S VIL!!!!
IL - If you vote for her, what will you be? IL!!!!! SICK SICK SICK

So, what are you left with?

L - Where you're going if you vote for The American Princess!!!!!!!!!!! L!!!!!!!!!!

Vote MacStansbury.org, or go to L.

Vodkapundit's Secret Identity: EXPOSED!

2005-12-07T15:49:00.000-06:00

He lies! He lies! He's REALLY...

A CLOWN!!!!

DO NOT VOTE FOR CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!

(Vote for me!)

"Drunks with big red noses cause you to have flashbacks of clowns." *

Too Cowardly?

2005-12-06T23:42:00.000-06:00

Lets try too afraid to catch a communicable disease.

Jeez, Mac, if you're going to go messing in other womens' s templates, at least try to use some form of protection before you come spreading the filth over to the Princess.

She's a freaking lady. Unlike me.

Battle of the Blogs Worst Moments Nominations

2005-12-06T23:39:00.000-06:00

For Worst Behavior, the nominations are:

1. Right Girl for screwing up the timestamp so all of us gotta post our stories all screwed up
2. Jane for counting chickens before said chickens what were hatched
3. Preston Taylor Holmes for expounding on the virtues of Six Meat Buffet
4. Soldiers' Angel Holly Aho (I mean, can that name be ANY LONGER???) for shamelessly promoting her personal blog when...what?

...we're supposed to be doing that? Oh, crap. Why didn't somebody tell me?
5. Vince Aut Morire for having such a hard name to spell
6. Vince Aut Morire for sucking so bad
7. Vince Aut Morire for sucking, AND having such a hard name to spell
8. Robb for shamelessly promoting himself not here
9. Mad Dog Vinnie as well
10. Beth, too
11. Cranky for his site link not even working even (I blame Preston Taylor Holmes)
12. A group nomination to Dan, Janette, and E.M. for being too cowardly to show up yet....yet...

Voting in this category starts when I can figure out how to get the poll to work. And if Blogger doesn't go down faster'n Vinnie during Fleet Week.

BLOGJAM: How much is Vinnie's endorsement worth?

2005-12-06T23:38:00.000-06:00

The blogosphere is abuzz with discussion of the paradox of Vincenzo Up Myrear's endorsements. On the one hand, he has posted these endorsements on Jawa Report, which gets, like, ten thousand visitors a day. On the other hand, Vinnie himself has earned himself 25 votes, enough to contend for eleventh place in the "stalwart titmouse" category. We asked prominent bloggers around the world: what's up with that?

The vast majority of bloggers replied "Huh?" or "Who?" But some answered with a range of opinions.

Ardi sums up the consenus with this observation: "Although it tastes funny nobody says anything, they all sip away as their taste buds die off with every single gulp of the bottle."

House of Miao says: "Of course now my ass hurts... but cest la vie. Because my mind is blank and there is little to say..."

But not everyone is so sanguine. From The Stain: "Vinnie is someone who was BONED out of his other job because he is blazingly incompetant and was simply placed in Retired Dons special-order left-handed swivel desk chair with the lumbar support because it was vacant. He reeks of last nights cheap whiskey and cigarettes."

Not-So-Beautiful Atrocities

2005-12-06T23:28:00.000-06:00

I have it on good authority that Jeff from Beautiful Atrocities eats babies.

Do NOT throw away your vote on a baby-eater.

Vote Six Meat Buffet instead.

And, In Response to

2005-12-06T23:26:00.000-06:00

Vince "I gotta French name and I was in the Navy, you figure it out" Moore (however you spell it), I posted my list of endorsement...

...

...in your mouth...

Google Bomb

2005-12-06T23:23:00.000-06:00

Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard
Bastard

And In Response To

2005-12-06T23:12:00.000-06:00

Sean "My, MacStansbury, You Shore Got A Purty Mouth" Gleeson's endorsements, I have posted mine at the high Ecosystem ranked, high traffic, Jawa Report.

Nice to see you all

2005-12-06T22:57:00.000-06:00

Yes. ~~Good to see you Vinnie.~~

Welcome E.M.

I'm so gonna enjoy this.

But first...let's handle some old bidness: Stay Tuned Folks! Later tonight, undeniable proof that both Preston Taylor Holmes and Beth...whatever her last name is are not what they appear. I've got the pics, folks.

White Dress, Brown Mud

2005-12-06T08:00:00.000-06:00

If you're looking for the Cotillion just because it's Tuesday, you won't find it. There will be no pretty roundup with lots of great pictures. But if you knock on the door and you know the secret password, you'll be entertained in a far more interesting way.

The "ladies" of the Cotillion are slinging mud, pulling hair, and ripping each other's dresses off our nubile bodies. It's a catfight.

In other words, it's time for the Weblog Awards. Happy voting, y'all.

X-posted to the site that's gonna win

Let me get you a towel

2005-12-05T22:44:00.000-06:00

Here, Mac, seems you have some Gleeson residue on your chin

A slight correction to the Gleeson Endorsements

2005-12-05T13:00:00.000-06:00

What he obviously meant was "ANYBODY BUT Six Meat Buffet"

We, here at Battle of the Blogs, are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

The Gleeson Endorsements

2005-12-05T12:16:00.001-06:00

The time of decision is upon you! The polls for the 2005 Weblog Awards open today, and will remain open until December 15. Remember, to make your vote count, you must vote not just once, but once a day for the deserving candidates! If you shirk your duty, the undeserving may prevail, which is the very definition of injustice!

As an aid to our readers, we are posting our endorsements for 12 of the 37 polls. You may view these first two endorsements as mandatory for all citizens of good will:

CATEGORY	ENDORSEE
BEST BLOG DESIGN:	The Gleeson Bloglomerate
BEST OF THE TOP 1751-2500 BLOGS:	Sean Gleeson

Voting for the remaining 10, while not mandatory, will reflect well on your character:

CATEGORY	ENDORSEE
BEST BLOG:	The Corner
BEST NEW BLOG:	Basil's Blog
BEST GROUP BLOG:	Redstate.org
BEST HUMOR/COMICS BLOG:	Six Meat Buffet
BEST CULTURE/GOSSIP BLOG:	Llama Butchers
BEST CANADIAN BLOG:	Daimnation!
BEST OF THE TOP 250 BLOGS:	My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
BEST OF THE TOP 501-1000 BLOGS:	MacStansbury.org
BEST OF THE TOP 1001-1750 BLOGS:	Dustbury
BEST OF THE TOP 5001-6750 BLOGS:	Mazurland Blog

While we have not made endorsements in the other 25 polls, we may do so after having had time to give them due consideration, and to evaluate the nominees based on indicators of their virtue, such as whether they endorse The Gleeson Bloglomerate.

What Am I Doing Here?

2005-12-05T08:04:00.000-06:00

Ok, I'm looking at this blog and trying to get the gist of it. I'm thinking this might work....

So, with that in mind I'm going to shamelessly plug my blog for votes!

You have your orders!

HA!

2005-12-05T07:41:00.000-06:00

Jane! You're only a YEAR LATE here!

You DID concede last year, then! Are you French?

Well

2005-12-05T07:14:00.000-06:00

I'm waitng............

Did everybody PUNK OUT?

IT IS SO ON!

2005-12-05T01:30:00.001-06:00

That's right, chumpwiches...THIS THING IS BACK!

Yeah, somebody left one of the windows on this thing open, and NOW I'M IN!!!!

And, to quote that great American poet and laureate:

Well I'm back nanananananananananananana
fix your bent antennae tune it in and then I'm gonna
enter in and up under your skin like a splinter
The center of attention back for the winter
I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling
Infesting in your kids ears and nesting
Testing "Attention Please" feel the tension soon as someone mentions me
here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free
A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?

heh....

....who to mock first...

You're forgiven

2004-12-14T08:47:00.000-06:00

That's right, blog battlers. You've said bad awful horrible things about me and my blog. But now that it's over, I'm forgiving you for your mean, hateful awfulness. I hope you've seen the error of your ways and will, in the words of Ozzy Osbourne, "learn how to love and forget how to ha-ee-yaye-ate".

Psssst... my wordpress blog is almost done. Hope to have it up tonight.... DON'T TELL ANYONE! It's a surprise.

No substitute for victory

2004-12-14T02:07:00.000-06:00

The final results were announced at 1:53 a.m. Eastern, and it seems congratulations are in order for the 34 bestest blogs in the whole wide world.

We would like to repeat our thanks to the people we already thanked, only without that undercurrent of nervous tension this time. Thank you!

Group hug, anyone?

2004-12-13T01:53:00.000-06:00

With such a narrow margin, it could go either way, once all the hanging chads and whatnot are scrutinized. But whoever wins, I say "Thanks and best regards" to all y'all.

Final push today!

2004-12-12T10:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday The Gleeson Bloglomerate made up for more than half of our fallen 177. Another day like yesterday will mean triumph! But we are still 55 votes short!
Have you voted today, brother?

Keep it up!

2004-12-11T16:00:00.000-06:00

Votes are pouring in from patriots everywhere; but the good guys are still 96 votes behind!
Have you voted today, brother?

Kevin Aylward e-mailed me the details of the 177-vote subtraction. I had a peek at the logs, and there can be no question: those votes were bogus, and the deletion was the proper decision.

All of the 177 fraudulent votes were sent in from one I.P. address (207.178.11.74) on the evening of December 2, in the space of about 10 minutes. This address belongs to some jerk in Seattle, WA.

Of course, this is disappointing news, not just for us, but for decent people everywhere who want a fair contest, and also want Gleeson Bloglomerate to win said fair contest. But at least the culprit was just a random creep, and not an actual friend or well-wisher of ours. This was the same guy who was apparently screwing with many other categories the same night. I checked our hit logs, and that bum had never even seen this site. And now he never will, because I have banned that address from access to the Gleeson Bloglomerate.

Thanks to Kevin Aylward for doing his unsung work of running a fair contest. This would have been much worse if the cheating had only been discovered after voting was over, and my readers had no time to respond by voting in droves to make up the shortfall.

Oh, and speaking of voting in droves to make up the shortfall, this would be a good time to do that. Go vote for Gleeson!

She needs you now, brother!

2004-12-11T03:24:00.000-06:00

177 votes snuffed out.

That's right, brother. Snatched away. These were real votes. American votes. Gleeson votes!

They're gone, and they ain't comin' back. They did their part. The only question is,

what are YOU gonna do about it?

We can win or lose this thing, but to win it you gotta get out there and vote!

And don't tell me why you can't be troubled to do it...

TELL THE 177!

Oh Lawd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

2004-12-11T01:24:00.000-06:00

Don't judge lest ye be judged, sayeth the Lord.

Thar's evul in the world mah Friends. Yes, thar is. Say it wit me. Eeeevul! Can I get an amen, somebody? Hallelujah! You must watch for evul in the threads and comments of other's lives and you must STAND UP - and you must smite that evul! Because I will stand up and smite that evul! Oh, yes I will, mah friends! Because I know the truth and the way. And I will show it to you! Will you stand wid me? WILL you STAND with ME! Hallejuha.

Here's one example I found: "Well, I do make the effort to vote both at work and at
home. So, even if I don't like ya, at least I support ya!" ...
I have no way of enforcing this plea for honesty, and no way of knowing who
complies and who violates it. Only you, and the One who wrote the law on
your heart, will know.

But, but, wait! What's that? What's that you're saying to me, Lord? How's that? Oh, my God, my sweet Lord. The heathens attack from all sides even as I lay mah head?

Last night, while America slept, the overseers of the 2004 Weblog Awards removed
177 votes from our blog's tally. Poof, gone. This instantly demoted The Gleeson
Bloglomerate from a slim two percent lead over our closest competitor to a
dismaying six percent shortfall!
But the reasons are moot. Maybe upon review, we could get some or all of these votes back, but it doesn't seem likely. We must assume that these votes are irretrievably gone, and play the hand we're dealt.

This blog gets more than 1,000 unique visitors every single day. Most days, over
2,000. We should be able to make up 177 votes before breakfast! Obviously, some
of the people who read and enjoy this site are not going over there and voting. Why not?

In mah darkest hour mah flock has abandoned me. Oh, Lawd. Why me? Why me, one who was so quick to condemn, ... to condemn those that I KNEW were sinners? So what if it was only I joke! A silly conversation in a comment thread. Why, how could someone who said "Well, I do make the effort to vote both at work and at home. So, even if I don't like ya, at least I support ya!" possibly have been kidding? No, it was evul! And I knew it in mah heart and I STOOD UP and I SMOTE that evul, yes I did.

And now I find mahself visited by unspeakable demons, a broken man in his darkest hour ... a loooser! Oh, mah Lord how can that be, Lord? How can that be? PLEASE LORD, tell ME, speak to ME, Lord ... HOW can that BE?

LORD: Well, my Son, it would seem you took a silly comment, a fun contest and most of all yourself far too seriously, boy. And there're damn few things in this world I enjoy smackin' down more than the self righteous and the vain, asshat. Next time you have a question about something I write, how about asking ME about it before linking and babblin' bullshit on your blog like some silly little self-righteous prick?

Say Amen, somebody.

Overheard At The Convention Of Evil Artists

2004-12-11T01:16:00.000-06:00

Artist One: Just between you and me Teddy, I think if you pissed on Tillman again, you'd get your mojo back.
Artist Two: Do you think it will make up for my glaring lack of talent or a meaningful existence?
This message brought to you by the Extra Cranky Committee To Elect Cranky Neocon in the 2004 Weblog Awards (1000-1750).

Blogger Introspection Outlawed

2004-12-10T08:38:00.000-06:00

I am declaring blogwar on all introspective bloggers - starting with those who have entered the squared circle at BATTLE OF THE BLOGS.

Sure, I'm guilty of it too, but now that I've seen the light (thanks, Froggy), I'm comin' after the rest of you (metaphorically, of course).

Exhibit A: BamaPachyderm. I'm posting this while she's out of town so she can't defend herself.

Exhibit B: Cranky. I've already assaulted you on this one.

Exhibit C: Sharp as a Marble. You are actually allowed to quit blogging because you're blog is so visually pleasing that it's worth visiting for the design alone.

Exhibit D: Gleeson. Talking to oneself is one of the earliest signs of brutal insanity. Seek counseling.

Exhibit E: Allah. Well, he already quit, I just wanted to link to him for no reason because I'm sure he needs the traffic.

I will be adding other introspective bloggers for verbal assault as they're brought to my attention.

UPDATE:

Sean from Gleeson Industrial Polluters, Inc., points out that he was *not* talking to himself, but was hearing two voices talking to each other in his head.

While I did realize this, it was more fun to imply that he was going insane. Nuance duly noted and apology submitted.

Also posted at SMB

Gleeson DQ'd from Wizbang Web Awards 2004

2004-12-10T01:30:00.000-06:00

Gleeson family pet, Roo Roo caught in the act of producing the Encyclopedia Brown post for which Sean shamefully took the credit. Even Gleeson family members admit Sean lacks that kind of talent.

Back To Being Cranky

2004-12-09T07:15:00.000-06:00

After Sean pulls crap like this, I want to close up shop and burn down my blog site for the insurance money.

This "quality writing" business is just unethical.

The question is, do I concede that Sean rocks, or be spiteful and throw my support behind Robb? (Who is great in his own right.)

More compromising positions for Bamapachyderm

2004-12-08T19:47:00.000-06:00

No one who engages in practices such as this...

should be leading MyPetJawa in the polls.

There has to be some voting hanky-panky still going on.

Jim Geraghty: Just another Massachusetts lawyer

2004-12-08T08:24:00.000-06:00

Would you REALLY vote for a "blogger" who is a Massachusetts lawyer?

James Geraghty is a 1977 graduate of the New England School of Law (1997) where he was a member of the Dean’s List. He served as an Assistant District Attorney in Plymouth County for five years before entering private practice. His practice is concentrated in the defense of individuals charged with Operating Under the Influence (DWI, DUI) and other related criminal matters. [Haven't we had enough of Massachusetts lawyers already?]

Mr. Geraghty has tried over seventy-five jury trials where the charge was Operating Under the Influence or Motor Vehicle Homicide. Since joining Jones & Milligan, Mr. Geraghty has defended individuals charged with Operating Under the Influence in over 25 courts throughout the state.

In addition to his extensive criminal trial experience, Mr. Geraghty is a member of the National College for DUI Defense, the Massachusetts Bar Association and the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers.

HA! All this time, you thought he was AGAINST Massachusetts lawyers. Maybe he was just for them before he was against them? I guess "Kerry Spot" is an accurate moniker...?

Bill has thoughts on Geraghty's history as well.

Admin stuff

2004-12-08T07:10:00.000-06:00

Do you guys want email notification on new posts? Blogsnot only sends them to me, but I'll do an auto-forward if you want.

Gleeson family portrait

2004-12-08T00:38:00.000-06:00

Nice.

Uh oh...

2004-12-08T00:04:00.000-06:00

Enter a Carnivorous non-combatant...watch out, Meathead...

Endorsements are up

2004-12-07T22:00:00.000-06:00

This is what the media has been waiting for.

The "official" Six Meat endorsements for the 2004 Bloggies. Oh, come on. Pretend you care. Anybody? Hmmm?

Holy Schmoly it's getting close

2004-12-07T20:46:00.000-06:00

.1% at the last view. And I've even sent most of the migrant workers home for the evening. Bastards, they weren't supposed to stop until we were tied.

I am not Ralph Nader or Ross Perot.

2004-12-07T18:04:00.000-06:00

Are you?

I don't know if any of my fellow "competitors" (except for the gracious Rusty Shackelford) in the Best New Blog category have done this yet, but I have integrity! and honor! and humility!

At the risk of being called French, I'm asking all of you to vote for INDC Journal for Best New Blog. You KNOW he's earned it, with his Moonbat research and his role in Rathergate!

Yeah, yeah, I love the Kerry Spot; but they're not even in my consideration for this--they don't need the help anyway (for what help my "endorsement" is worth, that is). Anyway, I'm just surprised to be IN the category to begin with, and consider it a HUGE honor (and mystery) to be in the same category as such talented people.

So, because I WANT INDC Bill to win this, GO VOTE and get his vote total above the Kerry Spot.

And don't just cast your vote for INDC, tell your readers to do so as well.

[Jane/Vilmar/Preston/Bill/Diplomad? You with me?]

* Originally posted at the Best New Little Blog, but copied here to taunt and shame you, my fellow losers!

Stepping outside the ring for a second...

2004-12-07T15:42:00.000-06:00

Help Rusty!

The inhumanity of it all!

Dominance.

2004-12-07T15:00:00.000-06:00

Re: the pic below--

Fornication? That implies consent.

Someone had to strap one on to show what a bunch of sissies those Donks are...since no one was man enough to find something in the Buffet to do the job. You know, if you want something done RIGHT, you have to do it yourself.

Y'all should be proud of me. So go VOTE FOR MY VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY.

And now my server is down!

2004-12-07T13:24:00.000-06:00

You've sunk low before, Marble Man, but this is beyond the limit.

Bamapachyderm caught on film!

2004-12-07T11:50:00.000-06:00

Breaking news! Bamapachyderm caught fornicating with democrats. Want proof?

Vote for Six Meat Buffet instead. You'll never catch me fornicating with barnyard animals.

Everything you need to know about The Kerry Spot

2004-12-07T10:23:00.000-06:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished JIM GERAGHTY to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how he matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Extreme
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Extreme

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Armies of Liberation Exposed

2004-12-07T10:22:00.000-06:00

Jane's Armies of Liberation has finally been EXPOSED!

These "armies" are nothing more than a collection of Stratego game pieces.

Vote for Six Meat Buffet instead.

Who can give me the most free stuff?

2004-12-07T10:15:00.000-06:00

So, I can't decide who I should vote for in the Best 1000-1750 Category.

Should I vote for Cranky who did that cool machine thingy and makes me laugh?

Should I vote for Gleeson who does all those kick-ass graphics and funny photoshops?

Should I vote for the Marble who has the best looking blog of the three?

I'm torn. Therefore, my vote is officially for sale. Start the bidding.

Jane apparently caved...?

2004-12-07T09:07:00.000-06:00

HA! I knew that "Army" of hers was fake.

*(Either that, or she has A Life™)

Mystery Meat Buffet

2004-12-07T09:05:00.000-06:00

Where the Mystery Meat comes from.

Consider yourself spared...for now. Google pulls up a lot of "interesting" pictures of you when I looked...muaahahahahahaha

When the buffet is closed...

2004-12-07T08:51:00.000-06:00

Preston's favorite snack

Bad news for Robb

2004-12-07T08:45:00.000-06:00

Kevin added some new security measures, designed to filter out scripts, bots, and terrorist sympathizers.

Breaking news - Bama Pachyderm violates community standards

2004-12-07T08:15:00.000-06:00

Do you really want to cast your vote for a pachyderm who was caught doing this

in the street? I don't think so. Bama's disregard of public safety and personal hygiene should be all you need to know.

Vote for Six Meat Buffet instead.

Dammit!

2004-12-06T22:38:00.000-06:00

Not so fast, my friend. No concession here, despite my paltry showing!

First of all, where the hell did you find that picture of me, and I'm afraid of what's going to happen when you stop the "nice" attacks. And where did you find that atrocious sausage? Nothing like that would be served at my buffet.

I see that the polls are temporarily closed - probably due to cheating by Jane or Bama.

FYI, I would have been here earlier, but I was out for the evening. The battle shall continue tomorrow, for I must snooze.

This just in

2004-12-06T21:26:00.000-06:00

It appears Jane and Preston have conceded already...note their conspicuous absence from the battlefield...

Which One Of You...

2004-12-06T20:44:00.000-06:00

... sneaky people invited me to this little cagematch?

It looks like the gangs all here, so let me ask this. What happened to Marble Boy? He is closing fast on Sean. Meanwhile I am nurturing my little 12%. My precious 12%.

I am honored to be here, but at the same time I think that having all you people in one place is dangerous.

Mmmmm, a Buffet special!

2004-12-06T19:17:00.000-06:00

More from the Meat Buffet

Posted by Hello

Shocking new photo of Preston's real talent with meat...and I'm being nice for now

2004-12-06T18:33:00.000-06:00

Six Meat Buffet? He can do six at a time?

Exit Polls Show a Sharp as a Marble Lead

2004-12-06T18:19:00.000-06:00

Early exit polls are showing SaaM with a 13 point lead, regardless of current counts coming from the highly unreliable Wizbang stats.

SaaM is showing support from the following groups

Transgendered Immigrant Kumquat Farmers - 47%
Legally Blind, Left-Handed Dentists - 52%
Britney Spears Impersonators - 76%
His Mother - 0 % (however, not all precincts are reporting in yet)

So, beware! My Support is greater than you think!

Watch out, Gordon & Robb...

2004-12-06T17:18:00.000-06:00

SOMEONE got a media mention.

Of course, it's not been checked by Charles Johnson for evidence of tampering yet.

You know what would be neat, Beth?

2004-12-06T16:49:00.000-06:00

A </a> tag somewhere after that finalist logo would be neat.

If you love liberty

2004-12-06T16:40:00.000-06:00

In the New Blog Category...

2004-12-06T16:24:00.000-06:00

This "New Blogger" hasn't a prayer for winning this, never did.
But why is The Kerry Spot so far in the lead?

What do you say, Jane...do we work on the other losers to get Bill in the lead?

[x-posted on MVRWC]

In another battle...

2004-12-06T16:15:00.000-06:00

Frank J. is really Ted Rall?

Vote or Die

2004-12-06T15:48:00.001-06:00

That is, VOTE FOR ME.

My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

Get in the ring, motherfuckers, and I'll kick your bitchy little ass!

2004-12-06T15:21:00.000-06:00

Well guys, here's your chance.

I'm going to open this up as a Public Service Announcement area first for the fine gentleman (*cough cough*) battling it out for King of the Ant Hill.

If you want in, drop me an email.

Let the games begin!